In many cases, you may hear, „I will not forgive my partner if he cheats on me again!” These and similar statements are usually uttered by people who have never been cheated on, who have never been in such a situation. Once the fact of cheating is revealed, everything changes. There is a lot that goes on in the cheated party. The happy moments you shared, the children, the betrayal, the hurt, the pain. Often, the cheated on partner stays with the partner and tries to repair the relationship. However, the fact of infidelity is terribly difficult to forgive, so they turn to a professional to help them find their way back to each other.
Is there a sequel after cheating?
I believe that a relationship can be saved even if it has been damaged by infidelity. However, the key to creating success is that both parties must want change and do something for each other. Unfortunately, I have seen in my practice cases where the unfaithful couple don’t really want to put themselves out there, don’t really want to repair their relationship, only to show up for couples therapy to say later, „I did this, but unfortunately it doesn’t help us anymore. Let’s divorce.”
First steps
The first and most important step after couples show up for therapy is for the unfaithful partner to end the relationship with the third party. During therapy, the cheated on partner will ask a number of questions that his or her partner will need to answer so that any problems that led to this can be discussed. Of course, they can ask their questions without hurt or humiliation. The answers to these questions often lead the cheated partner to conclude that he or she does not want to continue the relationship.
Forgiveness
In all cases, the cheated partner should be able to forgive. Forgetting cannot and should not be forgotten, as it can be a memory for both parties that is worth working to avoid. Without forgiveness, the relationship cannot be continued, because then it will be years later only about what the unfaithful party did once it is almost impossible to move on. Forgiveness is very difficult, as it is to come to terms with the fact that the cheater has been deceived, betrayed and hurt. If all of these conditions are met, then there is hope for you to process the infidelity. However, forgiveness is by no means an easy task, and often this is where the whole process gets bogged down. It is very difficult to process the hurt, the betrayal and to let go of the pain that the infidelity has caused.
Why is it worth forgiving infidelity?
Because the anger, the pain that the cheated party carries for months is harmful to themselves. Because, as I wrote in a previous article, behind every physical illness there is a mental illness.
Forgiveness, letting go
In many cases the following methods can help the cheated partner in the process of letting go and forgiving. Create a situation where no one is at home, choose a cushion, a chair, as if your partner is sitting there, and tell him/her all the grievances.
The other is when you pour out your soul in the form of a letter and tell them what has hurt them. In both cases, you should pretend to tell your partner as if you were there.
There are three parts to forgiveness
If you choose to write a letter, you should write three letters, a few days apart. You do not have to give these letters to anyone
- Write down all the pain he has caused you
You don’t have to worry about hurting him, write down your thoughts as they are, you don’t have to rephrase anything, write down your feelings uncontrollably, cry if you have to, swear if you feel the need, anything goes.
- After a few days, write the second letter.
After releasing the pain, write it calmly and thoughtfully. You should try to understand your partner’s behaviour, what it was or what were the reasons that led him or her to seek happiness in the arms of another. You need to make yourself aware that this is just the past and it is gone. You need to understand that you don’t always have to think about what really happened, as that will only hurt yourself and not move you forward. If you can live with it, you can forgive your partner.
- See what really happened
This is the most difficult stage, because you need to see that what happened was playing out in front of your eyes, and that there were cries for help from your partner that you didn’t realise. This does not mean that you are to blame, as we are not looking for blame, but for a solution to fix the relationship.
The steps listed above are difficult to do alone, many people seek help to gain forgiveness from their partner and live a happier life together.
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